National Stalking Awareness Month: Netflix's "You" and Why We Need to Stop Romanticizing Stalking
***Spoilers!***
For a show that ends with almost all of the main characters dead, You masters a fantastical feat: making the viewers root for the killer. After the show aired its first season in December of 2018, fans took to social media to declare their love for Joe Goldberg, a charming bookstore clerk...and serial stalker. People were infatuated with Joe: he’s good looking, intelligent, witty, and seems to deeply care about those he loves. Compared to every other character in the show (besides Paco, of course), Joe appears to be the only real and genuine person in the entirety of New York City. Even young actress Millie Bobby Brown hopped onto twitter to defend Joe, claiming that “He’s not creepy! He’s just in love with her! It’s okay.” Let’s keep in mind that at the time of her post, Millie Bobby Brown was only 14 years old. Now, with the release of the second season last month, it is evident that You is a show that ultimately romanticizes stalking, and that this is dangerous not only for Joe’s victims, but for You’s viewers too.
The first season revolves around Joe and his infatuation with a writer and masters student named Beck. In the opening scene, Joe analyzes every movement of Beck’s as she wanders around the bookstore. He dissects the books that she picks out, the way she moves her body, what she wears, how she talks to him: as if every little thing she did was for him and about him, or an invitation to be stalked.
What is unique and arguably horrifying about You’s depiction of stalking is that it is told from the perpetrator’s perspective instead of the victim. It seems that in making this move to watch the show through Joe’s eyes that the creator is trying to highlight how people romanticize behaviors that are actually stalking. We see how the things that Joe does seem right out of a fairytale but we know from his inner monologue that his actions are much more sinister than they appear to his love interests. However, this directorial move instead further perpetuates harmful stereotypes about stalking, as it begs for the viewer to see Joe’s “good” intentions and to empathize with him rather than his victims.
The writers actually put this directly into the script. A couple of episodes in, Paco, Joe’s child neighbor, sits on the counter of Mooney’s while reading Frankenstein. He looks up at Joe and says, “It’s interesting how Mary Shelley tells the story from the monster’s perspective. It’s almost like everything is…”
“Justified?” Joe finishes his sentence.
And this is ultimately what the show succeeds in doing: making all of Joe’s actions seem justified. He claims during his first in-depth online stalk of Beck that he “Just had to make sure you’re safe.” All of Beck’s loved ones that he murders are in the name of protecting her. Every time he goes through her phone, steals her things, follows her, it is to keep her safe from the villains in her life. The creators want you to sympathize with Joe, and in turn sympathize with abusers. They make him appear charming and chivalrous. He frequently talks about books like their women: delicate, needing protection and respect, and best locked in a big box in his basement.
The reality is that Joe is an abuser. He is controlling, obsessive, and he is a serial stalker. Stalking isn’t something that just happens in TV and movies, it is a real form of violence that people experience every day. Like in You, stalking often happens in the sphere of domestic violence. According to the Stalking Prevention, Awareness, and Resource Center (SPARC), 74% of those stalked by a former intimate partner reported violence and/or coercive control during the relationship. We see this in the show as Joe tries to control who his partners spend their time with, their access to technology around him, and their decisions outside of the relationship. We also know that stalking is a big indicator of intimate partner homicide, as represented in You. 76% percent of women killed by their intimate partners had also been stalked by their killer (SPARC). Joe is not exempt from these statistics; he kills several of his ex-partners after stalking them.
You fails its viewers by not bringing to light the dangers of stalking and creating awareness around a serious form of violence, but instead justifying and romanticizing the actions of the show’s lead perpetrator. We never get to hear from his victims or view his actions from their perspective. All of Joe’s victims are portrayed as being problematic, annoying, or dangerous in some way that Joe is not. Instead, outside of the stalking, we see Joe as being the perfect partner. There is always a reason that Joe has to hurt someone, reasons that are depicted as being valid and understandable. The show presents to its viewers that stalking is okay, so long as it’s in the name of love.
The show ultimately continues to perpetuate harmful myths around stalking and normalizes lethal behavior. As we see from Millie Bobby Brown’s response to You, our society is conditioned to view stalking behaviors as romantic and charming, instead of creepy and dangerous. It is crucial that people watching this show that no matter how attractive, kind, smart, and funny someone may seem, it is never permissible to stalk, control, or manipulate anyone, ever.
By Linnea Johnson (she/her/they/them)
Educator and Advocate
January is National Stalking Awareness Month. If you our someone you know needs support around stalking, you can speak to an advocate at 802-388-4205. For more resources about what stalking looks like and how to get help, visit https://www.stalkingawareness.org/