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How to Help Children Experiencing Violence at Home

If you know a family in which the father is beating the mother, there is one thing you know for sure: the kids are hurting. Whether or not they are being physically abused, the experience of living with this violence is terrifying, traumatic, and psychologically harmful. Unfortunately, most children feel guilty, ashamed, embarrassed and don’t want to admit it to anyone-- friends, teachers, you--that violence is happening at home.

Still, you can try to get a child to open up, because underneath it all, he or she desperately wants help for the family. Here’s how:

• Ask questions directly. Try describing a third party situation in which someone else’s father hits his wife, and ask if anything like this has ever happened to the child’s mother.
  
• If you do not want to discuss the subject directly, or if the child will not or cannot tell you about it, try talking in general terms. You need to convey the very important message that he or she is not responsible for what is going on, and that violence is wrong. It is important for children to know that there are adults around who know and care about the situation.
  
• If the child trusts you, offer to spend time away from home with the child. Suggest that you do something enjoyable, like going to the movies, the park, or the mall. Use the time to try to talk about what’s going on at home or simply to build trust so that maybe the next time the child will open up to you.
  
• Above all, let the child know that you understand how scary the situation can be, that you want to help, and that he or she can call you anytime, for any reason.